I've reached another milestone: I am now finished with my last FEC treatment. Hurray! The nurses at the infusion center even sang me the coveted song (see earlier posts) and gave me a blanket and a certificate of completion. It was awesome! So now, as I experience each FEC symptom, I get to think, "This is the last time I have to do this!"
On to the next phase of treatment, which is surgery. We met with the surgeon just a couple of days ago. With cancer, there is simply no waiting if you want to beat it. Even though the chemo treatments have reduced the tumor to practically nothing, and my body has responded so well, the cancer will come back with a vengeance if preventive measures aren't promptly taken, which is why surgery is necessary. So, they've scheduled me as soon as they can: September 24th. I'll be in the hospital for a couple of days, then with my parents for a couple of days before I'll be able to go home.
When I was first diagnosed, I was terrified of surgery. It was a huge relief for me to find out that I'd get chemo first. Now that I've experienced some of the more unpleasant effects of chemo, I find my fear of surgery has nearly disappeared. I'm ready to take it on and get it over with. I think I'll recover well. So far, my body has responded impressively to treatments, and I trust that it will continue to do so. The Lord has truly blessed me, and I see His hand in so many ways, helping me get through this.
I'm so grateful for all of the prayers everyone has sent up on my behalf! I know they are answered, and I've felt their strength. So, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. They mean a lot to me and my family.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
Summer's Final Fling
On the drive up, we were able to visit with some of Steve's family. Then we spent the next day driving through the Grand Tetons. The day was hazy, but we were still able to see the peaks. The views were fantastic!
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| Some of the peaks. |
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| Beautiful Jenny Lake and some beautiful girls. |
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| An historic homestead cabin |
According to the kids, the highlight of the trip was seeing two mooses (meese?) grazing along a river bank.
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| Two "meeses" |
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| Enjoying dutch-oven biscuits at the Bar J |
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| Encouraging a stubborn mule |
The next day, we headed south down Star Valley. On the Internet, I'd found mention of a cool water geyser in Afton, so when we got there we decided to go on a little adventure. We drove up a canyon for a ways, then found the trail head to Periodic Springs, as the geyser is known.
We hiked about half a mile to get to the spring on an easy well-maintained trail. Unfortunately, my camera battery died on the hike, so I had to take photos with Steve's cell phone. They turned out better than expected.
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| At the spring |
I was expecting a geyser like you find in Yellowstone, shooting straight into the air; but it was more like white water rapids flowing out of the side of a mountain. Every 15 minutes or so, the spring trickles to a stop, then starts up again about 15 minutes later. It was neat to watch the white water start to appear on the rocks above, like magic.
The kids and Steve hiked up a steep trail and were right next to the spring when it started flowing again. I watched from below, but wished I could have hiked up the trail with them. Maybe next time.
After that adventure, we headed for my parent's house and then on home the next day, so the kids could start school. Our trip was short, but a lot of fun. It was a good way to say goodbye to summer.
Friday, August 3, 2012
More Thoughts on Strength
A young friend of mine recently wrote a poem for me. Reading it, I don't feel that I measure up to the strength that she attributes to me. However, it is something I aspire to. I hope that I can be strong in the face of this trial. I have so many moments of weakness, times when I wish so desperately it would all just go away and never return. But I continue to muddle through and keep a smile on my face as much as I can. Hopefully, by the end of my ordeal, I can feel like I better deserve my kind young friend's words.
She gave me permission to post her poem here. I hope it inspires all of us to be the best we can be!
She gave me permission to post her poem here. I hope it inspires all of us to be the best we can be!
Strength
We all think we’re
strong
One way or another
Greater than everyone
else
But sometimes
There is one who is
Stronger than the
rest
With the strength to
carry on
With faith and hope
They strive for the
impossible
Giving all they can
They smile when they
want to cry
And they lift others
up as they go
Even when they’re
hurt
They never stop
They won’t let
themselves fall
They’ll stand up with
an unknown
Strength
They’ll show
something nameless
Something mysterious
in this life
A power unreachable
For most
Even through the
storm
They won’t shatter
They’ll just play in
the rain
Making the best out
of life
They’ll just laugh
and smile
Knowing that tomorrow
Everything will be
great
That their life was
fulfilled
To the best it could
Have been
And that everything
was
Worth it
In the end
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Strength to Face the Future
I'm home again after another chemo treatment. My nurse this time called one of the chemo meds "Red Devil." The name is appropriate for more reasons than the color. But at least now I only have 1 more round of FEC before I'm done with that nasty stuff. :-D
That's the good news. The bad news is: I found out Monday from my doctor that I have to continue getting the medicine Herceptin every three weeks until the first of April, 2013. Luckily, Herceptin has very few side effects. For example, I'll be able to grow back my hair during treatments (yay!).
The news was a little disheartening, however. As much as I like all the nurses in the infusion center, I was really looking forward to seeing the last of that place next time. When you're done with chemo, the nurses sing a song to you to the tune of Happy Birthday: "Congratulations to you; your chemotherapy is through!" I was hoping to soon be the recipient of that song, but now I'll have to wait several more months.
Speaking of endurance, I met another patient briefly who hands out candy to everyone whenever he has a treatment. I thought that was great, that in the midst of his trial he still finds a way to brighten other people's day. Then I read the back of his T-shirt as he walked away. It said something like "incurable, but not defeated." I was amazed that he could maintain such a cheerful and positive attitude. It must take a lot of strength to face indefinite cancer treatments. I don't think I could do it. Talk about a marathon!
As for me, I have faith that I will see the end of cancer--hopefully around next April! I'm counting down the days until the moment I can say: "I'm cured, and I'm a survivor!"
That's the good news. The bad news is: I found out Monday from my doctor that I have to continue getting the medicine Herceptin every three weeks until the first of April, 2013. Luckily, Herceptin has very few side effects. For example, I'll be able to grow back my hair during treatments (yay!).
The news was a little disheartening, however. As much as I like all the nurses in the infusion center, I was really looking forward to seeing the last of that place next time. When you're done with chemo, the nurses sing a song to you to the tune of Happy Birthday: "Congratulations to you; your chemotherapy is through!" I was hoping to soon be the recipient of that song, but now I'll have to wait several more months.
Speaking of endurance, I met another patient briefly who hands out candy to everyone whenever he has a treatment. I thought that was great, that in the midst of his trial he still finds a way to brighten other people's day. Then I read the back of his T-shirt as he walked away. It said something like "incurable, but not defeated." I was amazed that he could maintain such a cheerful and positive attitude. It must take a lot of strength to face indefinite cancer treatments. I don't think I could do it. Talk about a marathon!
As for me, I have faith that I will see the end of cancer--hopefully around next April! I'm counting down the days until the moment I can say: "I'm cured, and I'm a survivor!"
Monday, July 23, 2012
Making Up for Lost Hair
I haven't written about hair for awhile, so I figured it was high time I again touched on this important side effect ;-), especially since I've recently experienced a change.
My hair didn't stand a chance against the big guns. While I was on abraxane, it never really stopped growing. I had to shave my head every couple of weeks or so. No longer. (pun intended) In fact, recently, my eyebrows and eyelashes have all fallen out. This gives me that "chemo eyes" look everyone associates with cancer. I have an even harder time looking at myself in the mirror these days.
To combat the mirror blues, I decided I'd better start wearing makeup every day, even when I don't expect anyone outside my family to see me. Drawing eyebrows on is something I've never had to do before. It is a tricky business. Sometimes I look like a lopsided Groucho Marx. But maybe I'll get the hang of it by the time my eyebrows begin to grow back in a couple of months.
I also tried fake eyelashes without much success. I never could get them to glue on right so they weren't poking me in the eye. So, I finally settled for painting a dark line on the lid with eyeliner and calling it good. Steve said he can't tell I don't have lashes unless he looks at me from the side. So, as long as I make an effort to face people head-on, they won't notice, right?
I guess the long and short of it is: I just need to stop worrying so much about how I look, and enjoy life. I'm in the good part of my cycle now, so I'm doing more and getting out more often. That's a real morale-booster. It's also nice to be able to take back some of my responsibilities around the house, like fixing meals and doing laundry. (Gasp!) I never thought I'd say that about household chores!
My hair didn't stand a chance against the big guns. While I was on abraxane, it never really stopped growing. I had to shave my head every couple of weeks or so. No longer. (pun intended) In fact, recently, my eyebrows and eyelashes have all fallen out. This gives me that "chemo eyes" look everyone associates with cancer. I have an even harder time looking at myself in the mirror these days.
To combat the mirror blues, I decided I'd better start wearing makeup every day, even when I don't expect anyone outside my family to see me. Drawing eyebrows on is something I've never had to do before. It is a tricky business. Sometimes I look like a lopsided Groucho Marx. But maybe I'll get the hang of it by the time my eyebrows begin to grow back in a couple of months.
I also tried fake eyelashes without much success. I never could get them to glue on right so they weren't poking me in the eye. So, I finally settled for painting a dark line on the lid with eyeliner and calling it good. Steve said he can't tell I don't have lashes unless he looks at me from the side. So, as long as I make an effort to face people head-on, they won't notice, right?
I guess the long and short of it is: I just need to stop worrying so much about how I look, and enjoy life. I'm in the good part of my cycle now, so I'm doing more and getting out more often. That's a real morale-booster. It's also nice to be able to take back some of my responsibilities around the house, like fixing meals and doing laundry. (Gasp!) I never thought I'd say that about household chores!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
My Rockin' Road Trip
When I first asked my sister if I could join her cross-country road trip, I wondered if I'd lost what little chemo left me of my brain. After all, a cancer patient making a long road trip to Indiana then flying home on a germ-infested plane seemed a little crazy to me, especially in the week and a half following my first FEC treatment (aka: the big guns).
Miraculously, most of my symptoms cleared up a couple of days before the scheduled trip, and my spirits lifted into the stratosphere. I was really happy and excited to be going. So, on Friday June 29th, I met up with my sister Janelle and we headed for our first stop in Denver, Colorado.
Janelle had a portable GPS because neither of us is stellar with directions, and I'm about the worst navigator in the world. But we ran into problems getting it to work. Fortunately, the way was pretty straightforward at first.
The first couple of days we simply drove most of each day (and talked each other's ears off!). We stayed at a little hotel in Denver the first night, then spent the second night with my brother-in-law and his family in Kansas City. They were very gracious and welcoming, even though we got in rather late. We missed an exit, so I had to call "Steve the GPS" to guide us back to where we needed to be.
After that, my brother-in-law fixed the problem we were having with our GPS so we were able to use it. We christened it "Debbie." Sometimes Debbie let us down (like when we tried to program in a Chuck-E-Cheese Debbie said was close by, but then she changed her story when we got on the road and said it was really more than 25 miles away!). But most of the time Debbie diligently led us to our destination and helped us get back on track if we took a wrong turn. Thanks, Debbie!
On Sunday, we went to church with my in-laws and said a fond farewell. We rounded out our Sabbath by visiting the LDS Church sites of Liberty Jail and Independence. Both were very positive, spiritual experiences. At Liberty Jail, I contemplated the revelations of comfort and peace Joseph Smith received there amidst such a difficult time in his life, and reflected that these same versus bring comfort to so many of us going through the trials of life.
On Sunday night, we stayed in St. Louis, Missouri. The next day, we visited the Thomas Jefferson memorial, more commonly known as the Arch or the Gateway to the West.
While we waited for our turn to ride a tram to the top of the arch, we looked around their underground Museum of the West and shops. They had some interesting things, including a wide collection of gold medals that were used to trade with Indians and seal peace treaties.
The tram car we rode in to the top of the arch reminded me of an old 60s sci-fi space pod, with white plaster covering the inside and little seats for 5 people to cram into. The only window looked out on the concrete center of the arch and all its many steps (we were glad we didn't have to climb those!). The tram was designed a little like a Ferris Wheel to move up the curve of the arch.
At the top, a relatively small corridor was pretty crowded with visitors, all trying to get a peek at the ground far below through little windows lining both sides of the corridor. Looking out was like looking out the window of an airplane. As such, I had no fear of heights, even knowing I was up so far--I feel safe when I'm in a solid structure like that.
We ended our day by meeting up with my parents in Corydon, Indiana (they flew) in the midst of a rain storm. It was so nice to see rain! It ended up being the only time we had respite from the heat during my whole vacation. Somehow, we managed to schedule this trip in the midst of record-breaking temperatures across the nation. 3-digit temps combined with humidity made me grateful for the relative "cool" of Utah when I got home!
My brother and his family live near Corydon, so the next day (July 3rd) we visited with them and celebrated my niece's 8th birthday with bubble guns, burritos, presents, and chocolate cake.
The Fourth of July celebrations in that area of Indiana are rather more relaxed than what I'm used to at home. Since there was no parade, Janelle and I slept in late. Then we had brunch at Cracker Barrel with our parents. Later, Janelle and I caught a 3D matinee of Brave at the local theater. That night, the big display of fireworks was cancelled, due to the drought they're having even in that part of the country. So, we enjoyed a small fireworks display in the driveway, courtesy of my brother and his family.
I'm a big fan of caves, so one thing I wanted to do while in Indiana was to visit Marengo Cave, located not too far from our home base in Corydon. Everyone else humored me by making an outing of it.
The cave visit was very popular that day, as so many other people were retreating underground to beat the heat. We had to wait awhile in the crowded gift shop for our tour, which gave me plenty of opportunity to find souvenirs. ;-)
It was an awesome cave! My favorite part was seeing the shallow pools that were so still they perfectly reflected the stalactites above, so it was almost like you were looking down into a lower chamber. I'm always fascinated by caves. I'll have to set one of my books in a cave someday.
After caving, we stopped at a quaint country store, then ate dinner at a restaurant overlooking the Ohio River. It's a little shocking to see the size of the rivers that far East--so much wider than the rough and tumble "streams" we're used to in the West.
On my final full day in Indiana, Janelle, my parents, and I did a little site-seeing in downtown Corydon. It was the capital of Indiana for awhile in the early 1800s, so we saw a few historical things and some fun shops.
That evening, Janelle and I went miniature golfing. This has always been a favorite activity of mine, ever since my kid birthday parties at our local course. This place was located right by our hotel and had a cool (as in not 100+ degrees) indoor blacklight course that was also very cool (as in awesome!).
It was some of the best black-lighting decor I've seen (not that I've seen a lot, but it was impressive). They said local school kids painted it, under the direction of a professional artist. It was all very clever and wonderful. At the end of the course, I discovered a pair of 3D glasses and tried them on. Parts of the paintings popped off the wall into the air! I wished I'd had the glasses from the start.
We ended our day with a visit to a local icon hamburger joint. Janelle parked her car in the driveway while we took pictures by the sign, so we were a bit embarrassed when a local had to drive around us. She was laughing at the tourists who were so starved for entertainment they were photographing the White Castle sign. :-D
The next day, we spent the morning visiting my brother and his family, then I got a ride to the airport. I regretted that I wasn't able to stay long enough for my niece's baptism on Sunday because I had a treatment on Monday morning. But, thanks to that wonderful vacation, I felt ready to face chemo again.
I really had a wonderful time! Janelle has more experience traveling, and started conversations with strangers we encountered. That really helped me to come out of my shy shell a little and realize how many nice people there are in the world.
I loved seeing new things and finding wonder and delight in something every day. It lifted me out of my slump and showed me that there is life beyond cancer. I feel like my creativity well has been filled again after a long drought.
So, I give a heart-felt thanks to my sister for letting me crash her road trip and share the fun, and to all my other family for being so kind and generous and hospitable. Finally, to my wonderful husband for being "Mr. Mom" at home and supporting me so much in this endeavor, as he does with everything in my life. He is the most awesome husband any woman could have! It was great to be home with my family again.
Miraculously, most of my symptoms cleared up a couple of days before the scheduled trip, and my spirits lifted into the stratosphere. I was really happy and excited to be going. So, on Friday June 29th, I met up with my sister Janelle and we headed for our first stop in Denver, Colorado.
 |
| A monkey friend I discovered at a Truck Stop playground. |
Janelle had a portable GPS because neither of us is stellar with directions, and I'm about the worst navigator in the world. But we ran into problems getting it to work. Fortunately, the way was pretty straightforward at first.
The first couple of days we simply drove most of each day (and talked each other's ears off!). We stayed at a little hotel in Denver the first night, then spent the second night with my brother-in-law and his family in Kansas City. They were very gracious and welcoming, even though we got in rather late. We missed an exit, so I had to call "Steve the GPS" to guide us back to where we needed to be.
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| What a gorgeous family they are! |
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| Liberty Jail |
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| Independence Visitor's Center |
On Sunday night, we stayed in St. Louis, Missouri. The next day, we visited the Thomas Jefferson memorial, more commonly known as the Arch or the Gateway to the West.
 |
| The Arch . . . It's shiny! |
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| Our "space pod" |
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| Peeking out the window at the view. |
At the top, a relatively small corridor was pretty crowded with visitors, all trying to get a peek at the ground far below through little windows lining both sides of the corridor. Looking out was like looking out the window of an airplane. As such, I had no fear of heights, even knowing I was up so far--I feel safe when I'm in a solid structure like that.
We ended our day by meeting up with my parents in Corydon, Indiana (they flew) in the midst of a rain storm. It was so nice to see rain! It ended up being the only time we had respite from the heat during my whole vacation. Somehow, we managed to schedule this trip in the midst of record-breaking temperatures across the nation. 3-digit temps combined with humidity made me grateful for the relative "cool" of Utah when I got home!
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| Janelle was the entertainment committee! |
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| A future beauty stylist in action. |
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| The birthday girl! |
I'm a big fan of caves, so one thing I wanted to do while in Indiana was to visit Marengo Cave, located not too far from our home base in Corydon. Everyone else humored me by making an outing of it.
The cave visit was very popular that day, as so many other people were retreating underground to beat the heat. We had to wait awhile in the crowded gift shop for our tour, which gave me plenty of opportunity to find souvenirs. ;-)
 |
| I love caves! |
It was an awesome cave! My favorite part was seeing the shallow pools that were so still they perfectly reflected the stalactites above, so it was almost like you were looking down into a lower chamber. I'm always fascinated by caves. I'll have to set one of my books in a cave someday.
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| Janelle and I with our "little" brother |
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| Eating Superman (red and blue) ice cream |
After caving, we stopped at a quaint country store, then ate dinner at a restaurant overlooking the Ohio River. It's a little shocking to see the size of the rivers that far East--so much wider than the rough and tumble "streams" we're used to in the West.
 |
| Overlooking the Ohio River. |
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| A local favorite shop. |
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| "Conversing" with Frank O'Bannon |
That evening, Janelle and I went miniature golfing. This has always been a favorite activity of mine, ever since my kid birthday parties at our local course. This place was located right by our hotel and had a cool (as in not 100+ degrees) indoor blacklight course that was also very cool (as in awesome!).
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| Golfing in the Glow |
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| It was hard to get a photo not blurred, but my hand reads "I won." Oh, yeah! |
We ended our day with a visit to a local icon hamburger joint. Janelle parked her car in the driveway while we took pictures by the sign, so we were a bit embarrassed when a local had to drive around us. She was laughing at the tourists who were so starved for entertainment they were photographing the White Castle sign. :-D
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| The Vanna Whites of White Castle |
The next day, we spent the morning visiting my brother and his family, then I got a ride to the airport. I regretted that I wasn't able to stay long enough for my niece's baptism on Sunday because I had a treatment on Monday morning. But, thanks to that wonderful vacation, I felt ready to face chemo again.
I really had a wonderful time! Janelle has more experience traveling, and started conversations with strangers we encountered. That really helped me to come out of my shy shell a little and realize how many nice people there are in the world.
I loved seeing new things and finding wonder and delight in something every day. It lifted me out of my slump and showed me that there is life beyond cancer. I feel like my creativity well has been filled again after a long drought.
 |
| By the Mighty Mississippi |
So, I give a heart-felt thanks to my sister for letting me crash her road trip and share the fun, and to all my other family for being so kind and generous and hospitable. Finally, to my wonderful husband for being "Mr. Mom" at home and supporting me so much in this endeavor, as he does with everything in my life. He is the most awesome husband any woman could have! It was great to be home with my family again.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
"We Have a Pill for That" or "The Side Effect Chain"
I successfully made it through another chemo treatment--and Steve didn't even have to use his rope (although he threatened). My doctors--I have 2 now--were very interested in my struggle with side effects last time and gave me advice for how to use the right pills to counter them better.
I've said several times that I feel like a walking pharmacy. I get these strong medicines that cause awful side effects (like nausea), so they give me pills to counter those side effects. Guess what? Those pills have side effects too! (Like heartburn) So, I need more pills to counter those side effects . . . and so on and so forth. For someone who doesn't really like to take a lot of medicine, it's a dizzying Domino effect.
But I have to admit that I'm feeling better today after following the doctor's advice--taking my pills more often, adding a couple to my regime. Hopefully, I can avoid some of the misery of last time. And now I only have to do this twice more. Hurray!
P.S. I'll give a travelogue of my vacation in my next entry. :-)
I've said several times that I feel like a walking pharmacy. I get these strong medicines that cause awful side effects (like nausea), so they give me pills to counter those side effects. Guess what? Those pills have side effects too! (Like heartburn) So, I need more pills to counter those side effects . . . and so on and so forth. For someone who doesn't really like to take a lot of medicine, it's a dizzying Domino effect.
But I have to admit that I'm feeling better today after following the doctor's advice--taking my pills more often, adding a couple to my regime. Hopefully, I can avoid some of the misery of last time. And now I only have to do this twice more. Hurray!
P.S. I'll give a travelogue of my vacation in my next entry. :-)
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