Things are Looking Up

I just wanted to offer a quick update, for those who wonder if I'm still down-and-out and that's why I haven't written for awhile.

Actually, I'm doing very well.  Life has returned to a semblance of normalcy, and I've been busy enough that I haven't gotten around to my blog . . . so that's a good thing.  ;-)  I was getting really tired of sitting around doing nothing all day.  That may be fun for one day, but when it's a couple of weeks, it gets old. 

For awhile I should be able to stand on my own two feet and take care of my family.  Not that I don't appreciate all the help we've gotten--everyone has been wonderful!--but it's nice for me to be able to cook meals and do some cleaning around the house.  I still can't push or lift with my arms, so my sister-in-law came over yesterday to mop and vacuum.  She's so awesome!

The next step on my cancer road is radiation.  That will start on November 14th.  My original plan was to get an apartment in Salt Lake (since radiation treatments are daily), but we found out that I WILL be able to participate in a clinical trial that will be many less treatments than we'd originally planned for.  So, I'm going to live with my sister in Pleasant Grove until radiation is done, about the end of November or first week of December.

We're very excited that Steve's parents will get home from their mission next week.  We're anxious to see them again.  They'll be here in plenty of time for Megan's birthday, and to help out on the home front while I'm missing in action for radiation.

And one other good thing I have to mention: my hair is growing back!  Yeah!  It's like baby hair--soft and fuzzy.  Jessie likes to stand next to my chair and rub her cheek on top of my head.  It's about the length of a military cut right now, so I look like G.I. Jane.  Maybe another month or two, and I might even be able to go out in public without a hat.  :-)

I'm A Survivor!

I just have to "shout out" to the world that I got a clean bill of health today from my doctor: the pathology report from my surgery showed NO cancer!  I am now cancer-free. :D  So, technically, I can now say I'm a survivor!  I just need to finish up the treatments (radiation, specifically) that will pound a few additional nails into the cancer coffin.  Take THAT, cancer!

The Bag Lady

I feel like the "bag lady" this week.  The surgeons installed my very own built-in drains to keep the swelling down at my surgery sites.  (Now I REALLY look like a Borg!)  I have spaghetti-like tubes coming out of my sides that connect to little rubbery bags I have to pin to the inside of my shirts.  Talk about making me look fat!  More than ever, I resemble one of the bells my mom collects: slender top and very wide bottom.  Hopefully, someday, I'll be able to balance my shape a little better, preferably toward the "slender" side.

I haven't had a whole lot of pain, at least less than I expected.  When my pain meds lapse, it feels like somebody locked my chest in one of those colonial wooden stockades and I have to lug it around everywhere I go.

But all of that is nothing next to the boredom.  I've decided it takes a great deal of patience to recover from surgery.  I guess that's true of many other types of recovery--including emotional and spiritual ones.  Some things just take time, and you can't exactly rush the process.  Lucky for me, I live in the age of electricity and computers.  I can download video games and watch T.V.  But even that gets a little tedious at times.  (Hard to believe, I know. ;)

Yesterday, Steve took Jess and me for a drive up the canyon to help me combat my cabin fever.  The leaves are turning, with patches of bright red and yellow everywhere you look.  This is my favorite time of year.  I love the colors of fall, the cooler weather, and the holidays.  For those who are wondering if I'll manage my annual spook house, I admit I'm already scheming.  I hope I'll be recovered enough by then to pull something off--probably scaled down from my usual ambitious project, but fun, nonetheless!  Hmmm.  Maybe the theme this year should be "For whom the bell tolls."

The above pictures were taken the last couple of weekends.  I really enjoyed being out on the mountains and having the strength and energy to heft logs into our truck bed.  Steve had a good group of girls to help him prepare for winter. :)  We all had fun, and it was great to be able to get some work done before surgery incapacitated me. 

Here, Jess appreciates the cream of a banana-cream pie. She's enjoyed being the only child this week, although I think she gets bored too.  We both miss her sisters.  Luckily, we'll be home in just two more days! 

The Power of Prayers

I don't have a lot of stamina right now, but I wanted to give everyone a quick update on my status.  I went in for surgery on Monday morning.  The doctors said everything went very well, although I was in surgery 2 hours longer than they predicted--making a total of 5 hours.  Then it took me about an hour to wake up.  It was a little stressful for my family, waiting so long, but I didn't know the difference. :)

I'm not in as much pain as I expected.  I got to leave the hospital yesterday, and now I'm staying with my parents while I recover.  We'll go home next week after follow-up doctor visits.

I want to let everyone know how very grateful I am for all of the prayers and fasting!  Someone told me today that I'm "tough as nails."  Well, I never really considered myself tough, so I know that the burden of this surgery was eased because of all of your prayers.  The Lord has truly blessed me, and made my burdens light.  Thank you so much for all you've done for me and my family!

Pavlov's Dogs

I think most everyone has heard of Pavlov and his experiments with dogs: how he conditioned an automatic response in them to a stimulus, like a ringing bell.

Well, last Monday I discovered that I am just like those dogs.  (Not that I'm calling myself a dog, or anything :)  Returning to the infusion center was one of the hardest things I've done.  I knew in my head that I didn't have to get the nasty FEC stuff, only Herceptin.  But my body reacted the same way it has for the last 4 treatments; with fear, anxiety, stomach upset, etc.  I was an emotional wreck!

Somehow, I got through the treatment and gradually calmed down.  The good news is, I felt great the next day.  With FEC, I was pretty much down-and-out for a week and a half, but Herceptin has very few side effects, and I have relatively good energy with no stomach troubles.  Hurray!

Besides getting a treatment on Monday, I met with 3 doctors in preparation for the second half of my cancer treatments.  We saw the reconstruction surgeon, the radiologist, and my regular chemo doctor.  After that, I have a pretty clear picture of how treatments will play out over the next 6 months.

I have surgery coming up in less than 2 weeks now.  After that, I will need to meet with the reconstruction surgeon once a week until radiation starts on November 7th.  I will undergo radiation once a day for 31 days.  In the meantime, I'll continue getting Herceptin every 3 weeks until the end of February.  (Hopefully, I'll get over my Pavlov response soon!)  Then, reconstruction surgery will happen about next April.

Visiting Grandma and Grandpa "G"

I think the radiation may well be the hardest trial I'll face throughout this whole ordeal.  It isn't that the radiation itself is difficult, but since it's every day I'll have to live near the hospital for 6 weeks.  We're looking into renting an apartment.  Being separated from my family like that will be really difficult.  Steve has been right by my side through everything so far (except when he had to undergo his own surgery), so it will be hard to go up to the hospital without him.  Not being able to see my kids each day and take care of them will be equally tough.  Steve has promised they will all come fetch me home, or visit me each weekend, so that will help.  I'm also really grateful that Steve's parents will be home from their mission by then, as we will desperately need their babysitting skills while I'm missing in action. :-)

Huge "shout out" to all our babysitters!

So, with one thing and another, we will soon be keeping the road hot again with weekly trips.  But we do what we have to do to get me well again. 

I got an MRI on Tuesday to see how much of the tumor (if any) is left.  I don't know the results of the test yet.  However, I found a comparison between the test and my experience with cancer in general.

For 20 minutes, I had to lie completely still on my stomach.  I held a "panic button" to signal the technician if anything went really wrong--like I got claustrophobic or something.  At the end of the scan, they injected a contrast into my veins for 9 minutes.  I was paranoid of an allergic reaction after my experience with Taxol (which proved to be an unfounded fear), but the technician was careful to caution me against squeezing the panic button for anything less than a real emergency.  I wasn't supposed to signal them just to ask how much longer I had to endure the injection, for example.  So, I was a good doobie and held still for the entire 20 minutes without squeezing the "panic button."

I relate that to cancer by reminding myself that my job is to figuratively "lie still" and endure everything that comes at me.  It doesn't do much good to ask, "Is it over yet?"  Eventually, it will be, even though right now it seems to be taking such a long time.  Maybe by the summer of 2013 I can do a happy dance and rejoice that cancer is gone and I got through it.

Our extended family is so awesome!  Thanks so much for all your service!

Milestones

I've reached another milestone: I am now finished with my last FEC treatment.  Hurray!  The nurses at the infusion center even sang me the coveted song (see earlier posts) and gave me a blanket and a certificate of completion.  It was awesome!  So now, as I experience each FEC symptom, I get to think, "This is the last time I have to do this!"

On to the next phase of treatment, which is surgery.  We met with the surgeon just a couple of days ago.  With cancer, there is simply no waiting if you want to beat it.  Even though the chemo treatments have reduced the tumor to practically nothing, and my body has responded so well, the cancer will come back with a vengeance if preventive measures aren't promptly taken, which is why surgery is necessary.  So, they've scheduled me as soon as they can: September 24th.  I'll be in the hospital for a couple of days, then with my parents for a couple of days before I'll be able to go home.

When I was first diagnosed, I was terrified of surgery.  It was a huge relief for me to find out that I'd get chemo first.  Now that I've experienced some of the more unpleasant effects of chemo, I find my fear of surgery has nearly disappeared.  I'm ready to take it on and get it over with.  I think I'll recover well.  So far, my body has responded impressively to treatments, and I trust that it will continue to do so.  The Lord has truly blessed me, and I see His hand in so many ways, helping me get through this.

I'm so grateful for all of the prayers everyone has sent up on my behalf!  I know they are answered, and I've felt their strength.  So, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.  They mean a lot to me and my family.

Summer's Final Fling

Where did the summer go?  Every August, as school starts again, we find ourselves contemplating this question.  But this summer, with all the chemo treatments, the summer seemed to evaporate faster than raindrops obliterated by the heat before they reach the ground.  We didn't even get to fill our summer with camping and cookouts, like we usually do.  So, to make up a little for a poor summer showing, we decided to take a little family vacation to Wyoming.

On the drive up, we were able to visit with some of Steve's family.  Then we spent the next day driving through the Grand Tetons.  The day was hazy, but we were still able to see the peaks.  The views were fantastic!

Some of the peaks.

Beautiful Jenny Lake and some beautiful girls.

An historic homestead cabin

According to the kids, the highlight of the trip was seeing two mooses (meese?) grazing along a river bank.

Two "meeses"

That night, we had dinner and a show at the Bar J.  The kids really enjoyed the music and jokes of the Wranglers.  What I liked best was hearing Megan giggle at the jokes.

Enjoying dutch-oven biscuits at the Bar J

Encouraging a stubborn mule

The next day, we headed south down Star Valley.  On the Internet, I'd found mention of a cool water geyser in Afton, so when we got there we decided to go on a little adventure.  We drove up a canyon for a ways, then found the trail head to Periodic Springs, as the geyser is known.

We hiked about half a mile to get to the spring on an easy well-maintained trail.  Unfortunately, my camera battery died on the hike, so I had to take photos with Steve's cell phone.  They turned out better than expected.

At the spring

I was expecting a geyser like you find in Yellowstone, shooting straight into the air; but it was more like white water rapids flowing out of the side of a mountain.  Every 15 minutes or so, the spring trickles to a stop, then starts up again about 15 minutes later.  It was neat to watch the white water start to appear on the rocks above, like magic.

The kids and Steve hiked up a steep trail and were right next to the spring when it started flowing again.  I watched from below, but wished I could have hiked up the trail with them.  Maybe next time. 

After that adventure, we headed for my parent's house and then on home the next day, so the kids could start school.  Our trip was short, but a lot of fun.  It was a good way to say goodbye to summer.